Friday, September 6, 2013

Manifestation: The Beginning

I started reading a book about manifestation last week. The basic principle is accepting that you have the power to have whatever you want.

Now, I believe this. I've done it on and off for many years. When I am "on" I am ON! I've manifested people, money, lotion for my feet... The hard part is stopping myself from thinking negatively. I am not joking when I tell you that my mind throws thousands of thoughts my way every hour; even while dreaming. 80% of these thousands of thoughts are negative!

"I'm fat. I'm ugly. No one loves me. I don't deserve good things. My hair is terrible. I feel bloated. I have no friends. I'm lonely." (Seriously I could go on but I think you get the point.) I have been successful at blocking or at least stopping these thoughts for the past 24 hours. It is hard! But every time those thoughts started forming I said to myself, "You are loved. You are love able. You are a writer. You no longer have to work for a business because you ARE your business. You are talented and amazing and fun!" (Again, I could go on but I think you get the point.)

So here I was... feeling like fucking Wonder Woman because I was using my super powers and shiny bracelets to block each bad thought. It feels good! I literally feel like I am on fire, figuratively of course. 

The book....The writer is funny, honest, and easy to follow. I was captivated at the first sentence! A few chapters in, she told me to think of a color of car, concentrate on it, then watch how many of them I see. Can I be honest with you? I laughed. A giggle really, but nevertheless.. a scoff/laugh... However, I was determined to give it a try. So I did. Operation red car in full effect.

Can you imagine the look on my face when I pulled onto the highway and got cut off by a red car?! Can you imagine the feeling when 1-5 in every 10 cars were fucking red?! I saw types of red vehicles that I have never even seen before. And I've been alive a long time! I saw an antique fire truck (huh?!), vans, semi's, pick up trucks, delivery trucks. I. Shit. You. Not.

I was freakin' stoked that the experiment worked! Part two of it was to think of butterflies. Butterflies. It's September here in Colorado. I have not seen one in months. But I still thought of them. All day long. I even wore a butterfly ring! What did I expect really.. I mean I am inside all day. Of course I am not going to see one. After work I stopped at a place where the Universe would have half a chance to produce this damn butterfly! The spot happened to be my step father's grave. I had been there once before; to sit, look at the mountain and think of him...the impressions he left on my mother, sister, & nephew. I mean this man was amazing! I stopped because I figured I'd pay my respects and try to see the butterfly. It was, after all, directly on my way home. Two birds with one stone, right?

I sat on the bench/marker and said out loud, "Okay, Universe! This is your chance! I am in a place where I can see a butterfly! Do your thing!"

Nothing happened for a good ten minutes. I kept sitting there thinking.. come on... COME ON! You can do it. Send me a butterfly. Prove to me the theory that thoughts become things! A dragonfly danced by. It did circles around the graveyard, and I sat there in awe. I mean yes, it was not an actual butterfly, but it was close. And I happen to love dragonflies more! I watched it until it flew out of site. I was admittedly disappointed a little bit. I really wanted the butterfly. I mean that would prove that all of this is true! That is what I thought about ALL day! Sigh...

I started walking to my car with my head down and noticed a grave stone a few feet away. Sitting on the back of the grave (yes the back) was a plastic butterfly decoration! I almost passed out!! The feeling that came over my body can only be described as electric. I tingled from head to toe staring at that butterfly with my mouth hanging open. Are you fucking kidding me right now? I even looked around for other people thinking I was being punked. There was no one around.

I ran to my car to get my phone to take a picture of it. I sent it to my mother and sister describing what just happened. I could barely type.. I was shaking. This was insane!! They were both blown away then my mother tells me that she, too, had asked the Universe for a sign of it's power. Again, head to toe chills. Was this it? I can say that yes, yes it was. Do you know what day it was? It was the day that would have been their 20 year anniversary. (Just so you know, I did not know this piece of information. I had no idea when her anniversary was.)

This morning I woke up still fascinated and awe-struck at the past few days. I used my Wonder Woman antics all morning. I was trying my best to radiate love. I envisioned it floating all around me and everyone that entered my mind in the form of hearts. I even wore a shirt with hearts all over it! (Yes I own butterfly rings and heart patterned shirts. I also have a clock purse but that is another story.) Love love love I kept thinking... Love. I am lovable. I am loved. You get love, you get love. Everyone gets love. LOVE!

I was taking the trash out when I got home and said hello to my neighbor Allison. We have lived next to each other for over 5 years. During this time I was under the impression that she hated me. Me and my dog Jada. You see, Jada is outside all day long and she gets riled up running along the fence. Allison's dogs are on the other side of that fence barking and running too. Allison is a stay at home mom with 2 small kids. I was sure she hated us, the noise!

I have said maybe 20 words to her in 5 years. Only random hello's and impersonal how are you's... Most of the time we completely ignore each other. But tonight... Tonight she started a conversation with me by asking if Jada got along with other dogs. Stunned at her voice, I told her judging by the way she is on the fence, I highly doubt it. But I wish she was.. hell I just wish I knew for sure. Jada can get feisty. This dog caught a bat mid-air once! But the truth is, Jada is a super gentle dog. I rescued her from the humane society a few years ago. She is a total love-bug!

She said she asked because she wanted to see if her dogs could play with Jada. She wanted them to meet because she thinks that Jada looks like such a nice dog. (Como say whaaaaaat?!) Can you believe it?! Anyway.. We chatted it up for a while and I accepted her invitation. I told her that she is welcome to come into my yard if Jada ever acts up. She invited me over with the other neighbors for drinks later. So cool. So so cool. The ice was broken. Instant thaw.

All I can think now (besides love love love) is... what is next?! What can I do now?! What I really want to do is quit my job and be a writer!

I can tell you this: I am not done with my manifesting. Not by a long shot! So I registered a trade name with the Colorado Secretary of State to sell my books under. Books that are not even on paper yet. Books that I have on my computer, in my mind.. in my heart. I have so much to say and so many ideas.
I posted the official document on my fridge. There is a check to myself from myself taped to it for a million dollars. The memo line says "Pocket change".    (I got it like that in 2014! Hello!)

Some may say that this sounds made up. Some may think that I am crazy.

But you see.. they didn't get cut off by that red car... they didn't see that butterfly. And they certainly don't have these shiny bracelets...