I know I am the self proclaimed Kisser of Frogs. I get it. It's been this way for years. (Almost 11 if you are counting.) Maybe I did something wrong in a past life that put me in this position. I've been on hundreds of dates/outings/meetings. I've suffered through some of the worst interactions a person can suffer through. I've been kissed by gray teeth. I've been used for sex - sex so awful that I'd been forced to cry out.. "Are you fucking kidding me?! That's all you've got?!" I've been stalked, harassed, & followed. I've filed police reports. I've been blown off, stood up, disrespected. I've taken one for the team time and time again, but I am over it! Do you hear me?? OVER. IT.
I'd like to know... how is it that nearly EVERY immature, douche-baggy, idiotic, jobless, car-less piece of shit I have ever "dated" is now in a relationship?! How is this even possible? To be straight, NO, I was not/am not interested in these fools, BUT.... What the fuck!? It makes zero sense to me!
Here I stand with an amazing career, a place to call home, more love to offer than the average person... yet I am SINGLE. Single! Like not even close to being in ANY type of ANYthing with ANYone! For fuck's sake, I cannot even score a decent date!
I could sit here and list all the amazing qualities I have but if you know me, you already know what they are. Not trying to be conceited or anything, but I got it going on! So how is it that I am constantly over-looked when it comes to relationships?
Sure sure, I know.. I should be counting my blessings. That not all relationships are perfect. That I am probably luckier than I even know because I have the ultimate freedom. I don't take this for granted. Trust me. I know full well how fortunate I am to be free from any and all drama associated with partnerships. But that does not answer my question: HOW are the men (boys in most cases) I've met/dated scored the very thing I crave when they are as close to imperfection as they come?!
I've often wondered this very thing. I've often thought about it, talked about it, wrote about it. And I am STILL at a loss. Does anyone know? Is this karmic retribution? What the fuck did I ever do that was that bad? I've paid my debts to the Universe ten-fold! I survived more abuse, more neglect, more negativity than I can even describe; at the cost of my own self, I'll have you know! Yet I still came out on the other side bitter-less. (Unless you count this rant, which by the way, I am fully entitled to!) I took all necessary steps to ensure that I was healed before bringing someone else into my life. I worked my ass off at that! So where the hell is my reward? Why are the morons that jump from one bad relationship to the next while being a fraction of a person the ones who have won?
I want to win, dammit! It's my fucking turn, Universe. I can no longer take this sitting down! I'm pissed, and rightfully so! Yes, I am really pissed. Yes, as soon as I get this out of my system I will probably be just fine. But for today, for now, for this very moment I would like to give a big, huge double-middle-finger-tribute to every lame sucker I've ever met and the Universe in which this was allowed to happen.
Double. Middle. Finger. Tribute.