Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Bellhops

 I was damaged once. (Only once..?) A man broke me down mentally and emotionally. It sucked. No doubt, it really did. I tried to date right after that and it didn't work. How could I reach out with open arms to another person when I was so broken? When my hands, arms, and general aura were holding so much baggage? I still tried.. not realizing that it was not someone else's job to help me unpack. Not even realizing that I was dwelling on the past.

Here's the sitch... (situation)
Fresh out of a nasty breakup after 8 years of a nasty relationship I met a man. He was polite, nice, handsome, sexy, and into me. He was affectionate and romantic.... and I couldn't stand it! Where's the drama I was used to? The challenge? How was I going to fulfill my sick need for abuse with a man that was so attentive and kind? I recoiled at his touch. I wriggled out of his arms. I wouldn't (couldn't) even hold his hand. To me, this was no big deal. To him it was a deal-breaker. It's just... I wasn't used to positive attention. I was not accustomed to affection in any manner that did not involve a panting, sweaty man humping me while I wished I was anywhere but underneath him. (Yuck, huh?) Hell I didn't even know men had the capability to be NICE! Sigh...

He told me in no uncertain terms that it was unfair of me to make HIM pay for my ex's mistakes. At first I was defensive, but shortly after, his words started to make sense. He was right. It was unfair! I had no business asking someone to help me carry my suitcases full of lies, hurt, abuse, neglect. So I stopped dating. I took time off and worked on healing myself. (It worked, by the way. I grew. I learned. I changed. And I never forgot his words.)

Here I am now.. a complete person. A whole person. (For the first time in my life.) Yet every man I've met since has assumed I would help carry their crap. And there was a lot of it! One was afraid to commit because his last girlfriend got pregnant with another man's baby. He trusted no one. One didn't like that I giggled so much because he assumed I was laughing at him. (I can only assume he had a small penis or something to make that girl laugh at him..?) One believed nothing of what I said. One replied to every compliment I paid him with a roll of the eyes and a "yeah right." Basically.. it's not cool. It's not fun. As a matter of fact it is THE most unappealing, unattractive thing in the whole entire world. (Next to scummy teeth, stinky pits, and bad kissers.)

Now that I am on the "other side" of things, I feel bad for that one guy who had to dump me because I expected him to work in my suitcase-making factory. Now I feel like I need to let people know that they should not do this. Don't jump from one relationship to the next to the next dragging around all your shit!

The reality is: No one has time to help you unpack/unwind/move on. You gotta do it yourself. Why would you move into a mansion only to fill it with furniture from your trailer? Do you get my point here? Spread the word, okay? The damaged people walking the earth need to know this.

So before you try dating someone new... before you post that dating profile... before you start asking for extra hands... PLEASE take time. Heal. And please, please check your bags at the door...

I'm pretty sure the bellhop is off duty! (At least this one is...Sorry boys!)